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The
Beginnings of Medicine - Via The Back Passage
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by:
Thick Mick.
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Hello, Mick here.
When I should have been in short pants, but didn’t have any, medicine
was hardly a tonic.
The nearest comparable thing to modern medicine was a type of
Acupuncture
The most noticeable difference between it then, and now, is the
needles.
We didn’t have medical grade stainless steel.
What we did have though, was an ample supply of bamboo chutes.
While these were considered organic, whatever that is, they were
somewhat larger in diameter.
If time goes as slow for you as it does for me, then discover the
virtues of ORIGINAL MEDICINE.
The science of putting such probes in particular nerve paths was more
primitive, and one hundred times more effective.
Supposing that you had an earache, then I can guarantee you that you
would only have it once.
An immature chute (three-inches in diameter) would be forcibly inserted
directly to the site of the pain!! It was a similar deal for eye
infections! Re-infections were non-existent!
In the off-chance that you had diarrhoea, then the treatment was local,
rapid and somewhat final.
I won’t even mention toothache. We had no teeth! Indeed, teeth and any
associated maladies, were considered to be a waste of good timber.
Eczema, psoriasis, acne and indeed migraine were migrant workers, as
far as we were concerned.
Asthma was slightly different though, and was an herbal remedy for
flatulence, not that we had much. It would be “lanced”, long before it
would present a problem. Gaseous or otherwise.
Yes, our local clinic was never understaffed or under-resourced, such
was the availability of bamboo.
Should a hungry dinosaur “happen” on your leg, arm, or anything except
your head (this would have been considered to be a “threat”), a simple
poultice made of Zinc (readily available at the 7/11), Selenium
(unavailable, but anything starting with “S” was sufficient, and only
your imagination could deprive you), and milk (from the milkman), would
redirect the pain. Guaranteed!!!!
You had to be tough to survive medicine, and that was just practicing
it.
To survive it as a patient required a sharp memory. If you “forgot”
your previous visit, then ...........well then......longevity was not
for you!
There was nothing trivial, repetitive or indeed actual, about the
Hippocratic oath.
“Accept your fate, and relinquish your dinosaur eggs” as I remember it,
was the motto of Medicine.
Mick,
medicinalmalice@thetrivialtimes.com
About the Author
Thick Mick is an "expert columnist" with the www.TheTrivialTimes.com
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